when we got married, i was in it forever. regardless of feelings, i was going to love you and fight for us. it never dawned on me that you would fail to show up. so if you don’t engage in your role and responsibility what does that do to our covenant. which makes me wonder, just because you fail to do your part does that free me to walk away or is more still required of me, and if so how much more and for how much longer?

is it selfish or self care to walk away? after all these years waiting to get married so i could avoid all of this, so much for careful planning and being patient. but maybe that’s where i missed it, maybe i wasn’t as careful or as patient as i thought i was being. i don’t know that i will ever know the answers that i am truly looking for. to be honest i’m not even sure of all the questions i want to ask.