could my feelings for you be real or just transference; a case of greener grass syndrome. merely a way to distract myself as i deal with so much currently.

i’m not saying i’m in love but i feel something that i never thought i’d feel again. something i haven’t felt since drass. a hope and an excitement for the future possibilities that life could hold.

there have been many guys i’ve “talked” myself into liking or into considering, and with you it’s the opposite. i work and try to convince myself why we could/would never work. mainly because of my marital status. and with that so up in the air it makes it all the more difficult to not go there.

i have pushed before and i often wonder if you feel anything close to what i feel. i want to ask you to wait for me, yet i know it isn’t fair. but i hope you will, at least until i know more.

you have so many people who you consider family and i love that. i hope to be able become that close to you even if not romantically.

i often wonder what you really think of me. if you are sticking around but don’t want to be. i worry you are just being kind and not wanting to hurt me any more than i have already been hurt. but then why would you care?

i think too much.